Freddo is Deddo they wiped off his smile
They say it's inflation, infecting the nation
Can you see my frustration?
Can you understand me?
When a Freddo costs 40p
It's capitalism in the chocolate Aisle
Freddo is Deddo they wiped off his smile They say it's inflation, infecting the nation Can you see my frustration? Can you understand me? When a Freddo costs 40p
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The thing is...
They've got a good selection of paperclips but they support UKIP Their gazebos you can't miss 'em but they still believe in the imperial system. If i go there will be trouble - But if i stay there will be bubble wrap (and other crap) They love Nigel Farage (I hate him) but they've got cheap laminators They pay their workers minimum wage - But it's 2 for 1 on all their board games! If anyone can help me, I wish i could know: Should I Stay... Or should i Trago? His music in one room,
Hers in another Like some crappy club populated By Teenage Mothers... And I ask myself this: Does Domestic Bliss Exist? An update of Edward Gorey's 'Gashleycrumb Tinies'
A is for Adam whose seatbelt was damagedB is for Billy, savaged by Badgers C is for Carlos, covered in hives D is for Dora who just woke up and died E is for Eric, stuck in a door F is for Fred falling from the 4th floor G is for Gareth, trapped in a garage H is for Harry, hassled by hammers I is for Ida, trapped in the ice J is for Jemma, overcome by headlice K is for Kevin whose head it was severed And L is for Larry, skinned for his leather M is for Michael who licked a live pylon And N is for Norman, engulfed by a python. O is for Oliver made love to the toaster P is for Peter, Herb coated and roasted Q is for Quentin, asleep on the road R is for Ruby - in the grass she got mowed. S is for Stacey who fell off a pier T is for Timmy, trampled by deer U is for Ursula who choked on a curtain And V is for Violet whose murder was certain. W is for Wallace who just slowly rusted X is for Xavier – spontaneous combustion! Y is for Yuri, choked on his own ear And Z is for Zena who died right here. Hello. I’m Tom and I used to have talent – until one man came along and had it.
I love to tell a story but I wish I didn’t have ta Tell the one about the day when I went on X Factor… There I was on the stage, the audience listening Ant and Dec weren’t there (they were snogging in the wings) Before I’d even started, the dreaded voice it came – trousers right up to the nipples he seemed to know my name: “HOW DARE YOU COME AND PLAY MY GAME” He roared “YOU’RE NOT HOT ENOUGH TO WIN OR UGLY ENOUGH TO ENTERTAIN” Apoplectic and insane from years in the music industry, he continued his tirade of misery: “YOU STAND HERE BEFORE ME WITH ACTUAL SKILL? YOU’LL REGRET THE DAY YOU’D EVER BEEN BORNED” “Simon, I don’t tink that’s a word” Says Louis Walsh. “SHUT YOUR IRISH FACE!” Came the reply. Then Sharon looked shocked as he climbed on stage and pissed right in my eye. I walked off ashamed from the jeering crowd – they say hell is other people: It’s not, it’s Simon Cowell. |
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