Home.
A town called Torquay.
The English Riviera,
A place where even the mums will scare ya.
The Riv.
Torbaydos
A place where the local delicacy is a packet of space raiders.
Birthplace of Agatha Christie
And I mean no disrespect
But a 100 year old crime writer
Wasn’t really a role model for 16 year old me.
Inspiration for Fawlty Towers,
A town filled with heinous Hotels
A town that was ours.
Local attractions include Living Coasts,
Which is like a zoo where the animals are damper
A town where the most popular past time is getting wankered.
Where the old men snort grey phlegm into ragged handkerchiefs
And the young men don’t cry when they bleed.
It’s a place where spice prevails
And I don’t mean paprika.
That synthetic cannabinoid
Smoked by spice girls and boys
To alleviate the pain of their life stories
In a town run by hoteliers and Tories.
We’ve got a model village
It’s a place where, for once you can feel big.
The Sex Pistols visited in 1976
And they left early.
When a town’s so abysmal
That it out-punks the Pistols
What are we supposed to think?
Fists and chips in cones
Cocaine piss and Methadrone
A football team that always loses
A thousand wives with unexplained bruises.
This town is proud to be
The home of W.K.D.
With unemployment and diseases
Higher of the rest of the region.
At least we’re good at something.
A town calling out for some kind of saviour
And that is probably not Toff from Made In Chelsea
A town called Torbaydos
Where even the seagulls are lazy
A place that’s losing its public healthcare
But that’s ok, it’s the English Riviera
A town called Torquay
Where I feel alone
A town called Torquay
That I call my home.
A town called Torquay.
The English Riviera,
A place where even the mums will scare ya.
The Riv.
Torbaydos
A place where the local delicacy is a packet of space raiders.
Birthplace of Agatha Christie
And I mean no disrespect
But a 100 year old crime writer
Wasn’t really a role model for 16 year old me.
Inspiration for Fawlty Towers,
A town filled with heinous Hotels
A town that was ours.
Local attractions include Living Coasts,
Which is like a zoo where the animals are damper
A town where the most popular past time is getting wankered.
Where the old men snort grey phlegm into ragged handkerchiefs
And the young men don’t cry when they bleed.
It’s a place where spice prevails
And I don’t mean paprika.
That synthetic cannabinoid
Smoked by spice girls and boys
To alleviate the pain of their life stories
In a town run by hoteliers and Tories.
We’ve got a model village
It’s a place where, for once you can feel big.
The Sex Pistols visited in 1976
And they left early.
When a town’s so abysmal
That it out-punks the Pistols
What are we supposed to think?
Fists and chips in cones
Cocaine piss and Methadrone
A football team that always loses
A thousand wives with unexplained bruises.
This town is proud to be
The home of W.K.D.
With unemployment and diseases
Higher of the rest of the region.
At least we’re good at something.
A town calling out for some kind of saviour
And that is probably not Toff from Made In Chelsea
A town called Torbaydos
Where even the seagulls are lazy
A place that’s losing its public healthcare
But that’s ok, it’s the English Riviera
A town called Torquay
Where I feel alone
A town called Torquay
That I call my home.